I can go on thinking for hours, literally, and maintain the same posture. I’ll be stationery but my mind would most probably be a lost cause.
Few months back I was lost, mentally. I was preparing for my finals and I sat idle for two hours just thinking. It killed me because I could perceive my surroundings crystal clear, even the faintest sound heard like an elephant trumpeting. I tried to distract myself by practising origami which turned out futile because my attempts were half hearted. I felt like pulling my hair out and screaming. I could picture conversations which never happened in my head and I felt helpless. As a last resort I flipped to the last page of my book and just wrote whatever was going on in my head. I didn’t care about the grammar. I just had to put those images and thoughts on paper, pleading for help.
It was mentally exhausting. I don’t know how I overcame it (I must have slept it off or met somebody of importance) but I am glad I did.
And now it haunted me again.
I emphasize on the past tense because it wasn’t until a few hours ago that I cooled myself down. I was thinking about a lot of things and the decisions I have taken so far. My fuse had blown out mentally and I was on a rampage. But I cooled down after I spoke about it.
It’s better, for now at least.
And I am desperate for a change now.