Sometimes I just can't stop thinking enough to turn off

[209] - help
The Girl with Glass Feet, Ali Shaw
This was a very difficult book to find. I remember reading a review about it in 2009; I guess when the book was first published, in the newspaper. I wanted to read it immediately. After that I began hunting for that book. What really annoyed me was that it wasn’t available in any of the stores like Landmark, Crossword or Higginbotham. I even tried searching it online but they were out of stock and later on they weren’t selling it anymore! I even thought about reading the e-book version of it but scratched the idea off because I wanted it paperback. There is something about printed books that puts it on a notch up higher compared to e-books.
And finally! One day (this year) while I was walking from the station to my aunt’s house there was this second hand book store and as I was gazing through the book shelf my eyes fell upon the familiar shades and text of this long lost book I was searching and I yelped with joy. I felt like I had found Pandora’s Box or something.

The story progresses gradually. Ali Shaw did a good job in portraying the locations very well. You can find yourself in an eerie island of monochrome hue throughout the story. Honestly, there isn’t much colour in the story or the characters (literally) but that is what fits in perfectly with the plot. The lives of the characters are explained inexplicably as they are all related to each other which rather create a monotonous drag. The imagery is almost perfect and the emotions are felt to the core. The ending however was climatic.
All that is there to it is that it is not your everyday fairy tale story. It’s got its own twist of science sprinkled with a realistic touch.

I was fairly disappointed though. It must have been because I was waiting for a very long time to read this book!

The Over Thinking Disease

I probably think they are going to come up with a scientific name for it provided one doesn’t exist already. Many teenagers or young adults might be lining up at the psychologist wondering why the gears of their so called growing brain has ceased to dysfunction and appears to be on high levels of dopamine even with the absence of coffee. I don’t know what causes this, internal or external conflicts. But whatever the reason maybe it messes you up real good.
I can go on thinking for hours, literally, and maintain the same posture. I’ll be stationery but my mind would most probably be a lost cause.
Few months back I was lost, mentally. I was preparing for my finals and I sat idle for two hours just thinking. It killed me because I could perceive my surroundings crystal clear, even the faintest sound heard like an elephant trumpeting. I tried to distract myself by practising origami which turned out futile because my attempts were half hearted. I felt like pulling my hair out and screaming. I could picture conversations which never happened in my head and I felt helpless. As a last resort I flipped to the last page of my book and just wrote whatever was going on in my head. I didn’t care about the grammar. I just had to put those images and thoughts on paper, pleading for help.
It was mentally exhausting. I don’t know how I overcame it (I must have slept it off or met somebody of importance) but I am glad I did.
And now it haunted me again.
I emphasize on the past tense because it wasn’t until a few hours ago that I cooled myself down. I was thinking about a lot of things and the decisions I have taken so far. My fuse had blown out mentally and I was on a rampage. But I cooled down after I spoke about it.
It’s better, for now at least.
And I am desperate for a change now.

And it’s that time of the year again


It’s definitely not the award season. It’s the game season and it’s that time of the year when the whole (a very big whole) family reunites. It’s summer.

I can hear myself sigh mentally when I mutter summer. First of all I am not a big fan of the games that is cricket. Summer is the IPL season. IPL is the Indian Premier Leagues and it is 20-20 cricket. 20-20 cricket is the only form of cricket which I can tolerate. I loved watching it when I was in school. But now that I am in college I hardly get any tv and when I come home the whole family is cuddled in front of the tv completely cut off from the world, I get pissed. So I basically hate cricket now. But I just like supporting the team I favour and raising my eye occasionally when they either score a lot of runs or take a lot of wickets. The one good thing that comes out of this family tv time is that I get my peace of mind.
And then there is this, the family reunion thingy. I live in Mumbai but I study in Chennai. The entire family resides in Chennai. So in summer when it is vacation time for everybody, cousins pour in from all corners of India here in Chennai. It’s basically a month full of fun provided I am with the right cousins. And then how can I forget? This is India and it’s June during summer which is nothing but a binge wedding month.

I’ve attended more weddings this year than I could ever in my lifetime! We’ve got two weddings this month in a week. So I’ll be packing stuff and moving from place to place, eating lots and getting tired like shit. The only good part would be I’d be carrying my camera. When I’m taking photos I go into this trance like state where I forget about everything surrounding me and just focus on the photo and composition. Sometimes, or rather most of the time, my camera is my saviour.

After all this is over which would be like after the first week of June I’d finally be going to Mumbai. I missed it so much. I never thought I would miss it as much as I miss it now.
I can’t wait to go back home. It has been such a very long time, really.
By the way I’m resuming my project 365. I’m going to splurge upload because I am heavily lagging and I think the year was already over on March 22, 21014. But then I plan on finishing it unlike my 52 week project which I just dropped off.
So do check it out and follow me on my instagram: @jathdreams for more updates.

Messed up fun

Screw this.
I’ve scratched off the past 20 times on deciding what to write. I’m just going to write whatever is on the top of my head. Screw the rest.

It’s summer and it is bloody scorching here in Chennai. I haven’t gone home in the past 6 months but I managed through somehow. I’m not particularly homesick; I just don’t want to stay here. It’s too stagnant. I want a change of surrounding. It helps me clear my head. And now that it is vacation time I guess I can finally sit down and think without any vignetting thoughts and waste time wistfully.

I’m done with college. I’m supposed to be a senior. But I still feel like a kid inside. It’s fun to be reckless and not care about the consequences. I learnt to let go or rather I am still learning. Learning is like change, always constant. I did have to pay some heavy prices in the process though but that’s okay.
I have been to quiet a lot of places in the last year. Some were unexpected but they were certainly worth it. While travelling I realized it’s important to have to proper company. I realized the importance of pictures, words and mementos once again.
I met a lot, like really a lot, of people. They were all so diverse. It was so much fun listening to their stories. I’ve become more of a listener now. I’ve realized the people who are important to me and the price of trust.
And how can I forget?
I’ve seen the most mesmerizing sunsets this year and there can never be anything more gorgeous than a sunset. I made so many memories this year.
I had fun. I felt pain.
But whatever, it’s all done now.
Let’s take a break from the drama.

P.S: I swear this is the most disoriented post I’ve written and I feel really bad because there is no flow in the content at all and I want to kill myself for it. I can’t make any promises in the future but I’ll write something better later.


Sunset diaries









I love sunsets. I don't know why but for some reason they are better than the sunrise. After the sun sets, the sky is an abstract painting, a master piece by an anonymous painter interpreted by our imagination. Sunsets are the golden hour. There is a subtle hue of gold over almost everything which makes the surrounding and memories more precious and beautiful. People prefer the sunrise over sunset for obvious reasons such as the beginning of a new day and new hopes etc. But sunsets are no less. They are also a beginning – they are the beginning of a new night. It’s only fair if we treat every new night the same way we treat a new day. Moreover once the sun sets, the moon rises. So it is not that everything perishes after the sun sets. A whole new other life awaits after the sunset. The migratory birds flock at the huge mangrove tree in the lake. Jasmines bloom only after the sunset. Shops, pubs and parties open up as the sun sets. People transform from their monotonous suit life to a more exciting and colorful phase of the day. Shops light up for the arrival of crowd. Music lingers longer in the air once the sun sets. Creatures of the night crawl out to embrace their kingdom. Then there is the beautiful moon, either silver or golden, which rises once the sun sets. It engulfs the night with its timeless beauty leaving its admirers lost and mesmerized.
Sunsets are the beginning of the flipside.

My Rollercoaster

Isn’t it amazing how you are thrown to college all of a sudden in your life of unexpected twists and turns? It is like one of the best roller coaster rides in life ever. We experience a newly found freedom which is quiet addictive and it is only after that when we begin to explore and have fun with life. Well that’s the case for me atleast.

Honestly speaking whatever has happened to me in college is truly unexpected. First of all I had no plans of doing engineering and here I am doing that. I thought that I’ll hate this college but somehow I’m able to bear with it. The only thing which I was expecting to was the hostel life which I really enjoy!

After living in hostel I’ve understood the importance of having people around (Even though there are some days where I won’t give a damn about anyone and would feel like having a go at the world with my thoughts – solitude to be more precise). When we are in hostel we’ll always have that one friend whom we’d love to tag along with no matter what. And I observed that over here too. Strong bonds have formed after the end of one semester.
And I love talking about shitty, stupid and fun stuff with my best friend(s)!

I’ve begun to realize that eating at the mess is kind of like a ritual. I go to the mess at 7.30 with Teju (bestie) and I pray the food I eat that day should fill the bottomless pit in my stomach! We eat in silence, not speaking as we eat. But once we are done, or rather like when I am done I start doodling on my plate with food. I really like this habit! I remember as a kid I used to draw yachts and ships on my plate and imagine them rowing against a storm in my head. Then Teju will speak about the dreams she has (which are really wild and fascinating) and I listen in awe and wonder how the hell she can remember her dreams! Often I keep staring into space and drift off into my imaginary world where my thoughts start building up unimaginable conspiracies and I’ll be snapped out of it by Teju. Occasionally we talk about our childhood and family and laugh at the fun times we had when we were kids.
I love going down memory lane over food. It somehow makes people grow closer and we’ll of course get to know each other better. It was only after this I understood the meaning of the phrase, “The family that eats together, stays together”, and I’ve begun believing in it too.
Ah well food connects people.
And food is tasty.
Period.
Cheese burger with extra bacon and Happy Jack @ Sandy's