The Unexpected College Life

It has been a month and a half since college started and I'm already having mixed reactions towards it. I don't think that it is right for me to have these feelings/reactions right now because well I have just started college. And it already feels like a year has gone by.
The weeks go by very fast. I feel like it's Monday when it's Friday. Time literally flies here. It becomes really late by the time I reach my hostel and I just have sufficient time to freshen up myself and the next thing I know I am eating at the mess and giving my attendance and it's 9 already.
By then I'll have no choice to sleep after 12.
I'm really getting sick of this.
Everything is getting stagnant here. I want to change. Again.
When I first entered college, I loved myself genuinely for the first time because it felt like I was losing my old self.
I'd describe my old self as an extreme introvert who didn't have the courage to speak to people. I was someone who never revealed my true self to others. In a group of 10 people there would only be one person who knew the real me and my temperaments. I feel that controlling one's temperament determines the character of a person.
When I entered college I was the extreme opposite of that and I absolutely loved it.
Now I feel like my personality is losing it's sheen and is becoming stagnant.
I fear that I'm becoming my old self where I'll have to walk around with a mask.
And I don't want that.
Right now I've become like a person who worries about every single tiny detail instead of looking at the bigger picture. I feel like killing myself for even acknowledging this feeling now! I agree that we have to worry and care about stuff at times. But worrying about it all the time only gets me more depressed and it just drives me insane and drifts me apart.
I don't want this to happen to me. I just want to be happy. Properly happy.
Is that too much to ask now?

14 comments :

  1. I hope regain a sense of who you are again in the future. I wish you all the best for your time at college! Stay strong, you'll get there. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your wishes! :) I hope so too that I'll somehow get through my four years!! :D

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  2. nice post!
    would you mind to follow each other? :)

    www.lepetitejournal.blogspot.com
    https://www.facebook.com/LePetiteJournal
    http://instagram.com/andianti_

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  3. You'll have more good times in college :D Trust me! I'm entering my third year of college now and I have no regret~ You wouldn't even believe it that someday suddenly you're gonna leave the college, enjoy the time to the fullest! xx

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    Replies
    1. oh wow! i never though i'd think like that!
      thanks! :D

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  4. Very nice post <3
    i really like it

    http://therevolutiongoeson.blogspot.de/

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  5. I just graduated college, and trust me you'll feel like this every now and then BUT the point is to not let it get you down. College is an emotional rollercoaster- when things start to feel a bit blue, do something that brings you joy. It's the small things in life that can bring about a smile when you need it most. Good luck to you! Stay positive.

    Cheers!
    Akshara
    Simply Akshara

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  6. Hi sweety! Its been such a looong time! :)
    Im guessing ur college is atleast a nice place to be :)
    Hahaa i get what youre feeling and it sucks sometimes and sometimes its a blessing..to me atleast. Have fun x
    http://shabanasultana.blogspot.com

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  7. It's totally natural to be feeling this way! I had lots of trouble transitioning when I first started uni, I pretty much had an identity crisis, haha. Good luck, hang in there!

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  8. I think it's perfectly normal... if it won't stay on for to long and as long as you're willing to step up and little by little are able to recover yourself and your positive mindset. I have a quote beside my bed "If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything." from Hemmingway. And just believe in yourself, stay strong! You'll get there!!

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  9. Ah, college. My semester-I is similar to yours.

    Existentialism, Tharangni?

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