The weeks go by very fast. I feel like it's Monday when it's Friday. Time literally flies here. It becomes really late by the time I reach my hostel and I just have sufficient time to freshen up myself and the next thing I know I am eating at the mess and giving my attendance and it's 9 already.
By then I'll have no choice to sleep after 12.
I'm really getting sick of this.
Everything is getting stagnant here. I want to change. Again.
When I first entered college, I loved myself genuinely for the first time because it felt like I was losing my old self.
I'd describe my old self as an extreme introvert who didn't have the courage to speak to people. I was someone who never revealed my true self to others. In a group of 10 people there would only be one person who knew the real me and my temperaments. I feel that controlling one's temperament determines the character of a person.
When I entered college I was the extreme opposite of that and I absolutely loved it.
Now I feel like my personality is losing it's sheen and is becoming stagnant.
I fear that I'm becoming my old self where I'll have to walk around with a mask.
And I don't want that.
Right now I've become like a person who worries about every single tiny detail instead of looking at the bigger picture. I feel like killing myself for even acknowledging this feeling now! I agree that we have to worry and care about stuff at times. But worrying about it all the time only gets me more depressed and it just drives me insane and drifts me apart.
I don't want this to happen to me. I just want to be happy. Properly happy.
Is that too much to ask now?