The Fear


What is it that you’ve always feared? Is it the boogie man under your bed or a cockroach crawling near you? What are your reactions when you see or hear the above? Is it a dumbfounded wonderment or the shriek of your life?

The thing is that it varies from person to person.

The one who is neither scared of cockroaches or the boogie man could be scared of something trivial such as the human manikins seen in Disneyland or in the park near your house.

And just like everyone else I am a human and I have a fear too. I fear this fear so much that every time I think of it I try to shove it away but it is still there.
Unlike others I’m not scared of the dark or catching a cockroach and chasing after my brother with it (who is very scared of them) or going to a haunted house or heights.
I look at them and think of them as new adventures and mysteries which I can solve and then tackle them. That way it doesn’t even make me scared but makes me go wide-eyed and excited with a broad smile on my face because I’m in for an adventure.
But yet again, I am human. And I still have something that I fear a lot about.
I fear that I’ll forget things that I should not. I fear that all these memories which I have, and are so precious to me, would one day just – poof disappear into the dark abyss.
And that’s why I try to write down all the things which I feel are important immediately in my diary so that I won’t forget them.

I don’t know if any have observed this or not but after you have a dream and when you wake up and try to recollect it, do all the figments of the dream come? Or is it just bits and pieces? Do you remember the face of that stranger who leaves a profound mark when you’re awake?

I’ve had only vague recollection. Sometimes I recognize the place, but the person I don’t. All that I’m able to see is a smile and then the rest, his face and body, a complete blur.
I wonder why this happens…
And this is also the worst part of my fear. Most of the dreams I’ve had till now, I just forget them when I’m awake. There are only vague parts which I can remember and I recollect and rewind these and try to have them as a permanent imprint in my mind.

Even now, when I’m away from my (previous) school friends I fear that within a year or two, I might forget their faces, their accents, their handwriting and so many other qualities about them. So I once again try to rewind and replay all the memories, snapshots and moments I’ve had with them such that I won’t forget how it feels to be with them.
I think I might I have realized this late but I’m glad that I at least realized it now.
Pictures & Photographs play such an important role when it comes to remembrance.
Maybe it’s the tree in that photo or how the sky looked that day or might be that queer looking man in the background who could possibly *hit* the play button of a certain memory which you had forgotten and lets you to wash over all those feelings once again.
Even as I write this now, I regret because I’d never taken any photos of moments which I’d wanted to stay forever. I only have the one’s which my friends took. But I should be content and not repeat the same again.

Who knows, maybe science could have the answers for my queries and the unexplained or maybe even it is wondering why?
I don’t think this is a problem which needs a solution.
I think this is another unopened mystery box in my life that can be an adventure.

Posted by Tharangni


  1. As they say,'Courage is not the absence of Fear, but to know that something is more important than Fear'

    Someone told me 'badaam khaya karo, memory achhi rehti hai' :)


  2. @Kunnu ~ Thank for the advice! :)
    but... umm... i eat badaams too and i kinda hate them...


"Every Scrap in an entry,
Will become a part of my memory! :)"

-My Scrapbook